I think I read this somewhere, but it doesn’t really matter where I first heard it. Despite its origin I know this to be true. Pilgrimages don’t actually start the day you take Step One on some specific route. Pilgrimages start the day that you DECIDE when you are going to take Step One.

May 15 I will fly off to Paris. If all goes as planned…and there is no guarantee that it will… because, of course, this is a pilgrimage. As I was saying, if all goes as planned my first steps on the Camino Francais will be on Wednesday, May 17 after having my first potentially anxious night at the popular Beilari alburgue (hostel) in St. Jean Pied de Port.

But I don’t have to wait until May 15 or May 17 to start this pilgrimage. I can tell you that it started the day I bought my ticket to Paris back on March 1. There is something about making the commitment that jumpstarts the emotional and spiritual work of a pilgrimage.

I have two primary intentions for this pilgrimage—to study the alburgue insfrastructure on the Camino as I plan for promoting and developing similar networks of hostels along highlighted trails and routes in America, and, to experience the unique Camino culture. I have a feeling that Americans have a lot to learn about a culture build around hospitality, connection and spiritual and personal growth.

But all of that stuff is the planning side of things. The deeper lesson of this pilgrimage is already taking shape and I am feeling pushed to grow in areas that I would rather ignore. I severely injured my left calf muscle on January 6 of this year (weird that it was January 6. Hmmm…). Anyone who knows me wouldn’t be surprised that I injured it playing pickleball. Typical of my character, I pushed myself too far by not warming up this 63-year old body, but still playing like the 25-year old that I still have in my head.

I was aware that this injury could have a potential impact on my Camino plans. But a visit to the doctor eased my anxieties as she said that I could expect about six weeks of recovery time. Unfortunately, six weeks became eight weeks, eight weeks became ten weeks, and during the eleventh week not only was I getting concerned about being ready for the Camino, but my healing seemed to reverse course.

This is the work of the pilgrimage. I have a long history of pushing through things and reaching my goals despite sometimes monumental obstacles. Someday I’ll tell you the story of cycling to Everest Base Camp in Tibet with advanced heart disease (but I’ll save that for another day!).

I am now having to balance my usual penchant for setting a goal and achieving it no matter what, God dammit, with a greater sense of acceptance of what actually is. I hate to admit it, but there is a possibility that I will have to postpone this trip a couple of weeks or simply shorten my days or maybe even take a taxi for some sections, if the 500 miles is too much for my gimpy old leg. I HATE EVEN HAVING TO WRITE THIS!

The doctor did confirm that my leg somehow got re-injured over the last two weeks. I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus, but my doctor is pretty sure it was an over-zealous practitioner who didn’t understand the nature of my injury and re-tore newly healed muscle fibers. Quite honestly, I feel like I have more grace for this person than I do for me. I can allow room for others to make mistakes, but then I just have to work harder to meet my own rigid goals. Grace for others; not myself.

I know, I know, you all are reading this and saying, “Dude, lighten up. Give yourself a break.” But this is the work of the pilgrimage. Already I am being challenged (not by a mountain or a rainstorm or threatening dogs) to treat this planned pilgrimage like a….well, a pilgrimage. Pilgrimages tend to break people of their expectations and rigidity. So many things show up on the trail that one learns to face the steps that are right in front of them and the challenges just for that day. Even lodging for the night is often figured out on the spur of the moment when you realize your legs just won’t take you much further.

I know this about pilgrimages. They break you in remarkably good and beautiful ways. They teach you to trust. They bring out the best in you by exposing the worst in you.

The next few weeks will be interesting for me. Part of me is settling into my old habits of setting a training schedule so that I will be fully ready to tackle the Camino on May 15 (remember, I am a former national class cyclist. This part I get!). Another part of me is reluctantly acknowledging that some of this is out of my control. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that if have to postpone, scale back, grab a taxi, rethink the whole damn thing, that things will still be okay. I won’t be a failure or a flake.

I shudder at the thought. But more than all the ambitious planning that I am doing, this might be the real work of the pilgrimage.

Wow. This is hard work and I haven’t even taken my first step!

Brian Heron

Religious Innovator and Spiritual Pilgrim

Step One

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Pedal Pilgrim